Reality Check [It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover review]

What did I think of this book?
I think this is the most emotional, honest and heartbreaking book Colleen Hoover has ever written yet. There’s too much emotion I could feel at the same time: fear, elation, hope, expectancy, sadness, empathy… that I did not even cry a single tear. And I always cry from her books.
It also inspired me to write a well thought out article blog post about the main topic ingrained with the book’s plot.
It Ends With Us is a story of a woman, Lily, who fell in love twice in her life. First, was with a homeless guy (Atlas is his name) she helped when she was only 15 (he was 18 then), and how they both saved each other’s lives in more than one way. But then life happened, and they had to part ways, with an open promise. Many years later, Lily fell in love again, this time with a neurosurgeon Ryle. With the typical Colleen Hoover fashion, I fell in love with both Lily and Ryle together. They were amazing and fun to read. Their interactions were so quirky and easy and just right, ya know? And then of course Atlas came back to the picture.
All was right in the world with Ryle and Lily and somehow in the beginning of the book I was led to believe one of their major problems is Ryle’s commitment issues…and when they were past that, I thought well, I don’t know what else is gonna happen next. And then one night he slapped her without thinking after she laughed at him when he burned his hand. Fifteen seconds. That was what it takes for everything to change. You see, Lily grew up with an abusive father to her mom, never to her though, but still. They both worked it out then everything fell back to their normal routine, as if nothing happened. The mess just swiftly swept under the rug.
Meanwhile, in the deepest recesses of my entire being, I was freaking out. Fear just gripped my heart, yet I couldn’t stop reading because I was glued, I had to know what happened next. All the time I was chanting Lily to leave the relationship after it happened the second time. The first time it happened, I was internally screaming for them to talk about it, dig deep and be honest about everything, let it all out, as they have the habit of “Naked Truths”, talking about things with all honesty.
But eventually, I got Colleen’s message. It’s easy to say to someone who is experiencing domestic violence to leave their partners, fight for their lives, they’re being martyrs and stupid… But when you’re in the situation yourself.. What happens when you really do love the person and the ‘abuse’ just happens so rarely? The good should always top the bad moments, right? It should be okay, it’s part of marriage… Compromise, understanding, FORGIVENESS.
YET, HOWEVER, DESPITE the thousand good, heck even great, out-of-this-world moments, they quickly go out the window when an abuse happens.
The book played with my head a lot last night. Suddenly, I questioned a lot about marriage. Boundaries. I know, I don’t know how I escalated so far to talking about marriage already. In all honesty, marriage and having a family of my own is in my dreams for myself in the future, but now I’m … wow, that’s a lot of work and trust!
As a Christian, forgiveness is a value I value in my life. In the Bible, when Peter asked Jesus how many times should we forgive? Jesus said “seventy times seven”, some versions would say seventy-seven times. His point is, don’t count. Forgive, forgive, forgive.
But trust is a different thing. Yes, we can learn to trust another person again, but it takes time. Forgiveness takes time too. Sometimes, saying NO is even harder than saying YES. Sometimes, we just have to brave enough and bold enough to make the right decision. Because it doesn’t mean that what feels good, is the right thing to do.
And so I end with a praise to Colleen Hoover for bravely putting together this story, with not just another bawl your eyes out romance story that yes, you can learn one or two lessons from. BUT, a BOOK, with a message behind it, to inspire many of us, to be BRAVE, to SPEAK out, to ‘act justly, love mercy and walk humbly’.

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One Day.

It’s not uncommon to hear the phrase “One day…” from people.
“One day, I’m gonna graduate”
“One day, I’ll be fit again”
“One day, I’ll own a house”
“One day, I will go to that place”
“One day, it’s gonna be me up there”
It’s not wrong to say so. In all honesty, I probably say at least one “One Day” statement every day. It actually promotes hope in people. At least it does to me. But then again, I’m a pretty optimistic person. Thinking about it, I find that there is also a downside in saying that phrase over and over again. Don’t take me as an expert on this topic, I am just merely sharing my opinion (disclaimer right there ha!).
“One Day” is like a crutch we use to excuse ourselves to facing what is in front of us. It can make us or break us. As I said, it’s not wrong to say that phrase but if we find ourselves saying it all the time, then I guess that’s when we have to stop and think and reflect on how are we actually doing. Reflecting on our life is not as cheesy as it sounds. It is actually really helpful. In fact, I recently found myself doing a ‘retreat’ jaunt by myself. I went out of town and booked myself an overnight stay at the cheapest but nice hotel I found online. I did not necessarily went out to tour myself in the area. I just basically went introvert and stayed in the hotel, ate a nice fancy dinner by myself, read my Bible, wrote on my journal, watched TV, bonded with myself, took a long nap, slept the whole night in a big king-sized bed…ALL BY MYSELF. I thought it was weird at first, until the next day when I’ve never felt so refreshed and so ready for more. Anyway, the whole point of me describing that is that reflecting on where we are in life is a really great opportunity to discover more about ourselves.
I was talking to my best friend (one of my bestfriends in life actually..when you’re a friendly person like me, you’ll get why I have many best friends, I just can’t have one. haha!) earlier today about what we’re doing in our lives. She’s having a dilemma of the typical “quarter-century years old” question– “What am I doing in my life?”. At one point (many points ) of our lives, we’ll find ourselves asking this question. I told her “well, what is your ‘IT’?” By “IT” I meant her “gifts”, the thing that motivates her, uplifts her mood and gives her energy, and this something/s that imbues her. I would like to describe it as the gift God has given to us, and by using it/them, we are fulfilling our purpose in life (other than following Jesus and building His Kingdom, but that’s another post to tell). It can be singing for some, or dancing, or acting, or teaching, designing houses, building structures, creating art, writing stories, administrating or organizing, it could be anything! I guess that’s where our inner statements of “One day” comes from. Because somewhere deep down inside each of us lies the potential of what could be. Our dreams and desires… Our hope for the future.
So, what was the bad thing again? Denying ourselves the chance to dig down deep and open this opportunity to explore what is hidden inside. Because we say, we are busy… I have to do the laundry first, buy the groceries, cook, tend the kids, go to work, finish this project, I need to settle for this job because it pays the bills. There’s no time for that now because because BECAUSE!
Now of course I don’t condone not working and paying our bills and other necessities in life, because we are all adults after all (and it can suck at times when we need to do adult stuff like taxes, ugh.). What I’m saying is that, I’m encouraging each of us that there’s no time like the present. If we don’t do it now, we might never do it ever! We might just end up procrastinating and sending off all those opportunities flying in the air like blowing off a dandelion flower…
If you needed a sign to take a step, maybe this is it. It’s time. It’s time to take that step to fulfilling your purpose in life. It’s time to take that one more step closing the gap between today and your “One Day.”

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Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart

How many of you out there can honestly say you’ve never been heart broken? I believe each and every one of us have experienced different kinds of heartbrokenness. Small or large scale, it’s the same thing= our hearts got broken. It can be through a disappointment when you didn’t get the job you wanted, failure because you failed your school degree, broken up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, divorce, or even unrequited love, or it can be as simple us patiently waiting for the day to end so you can go home and eat that delicious lasagna you made last night, only to find out your roommate ate it! (yeah sadly that last one does happen!)
So, Jenna, what’s the point of this post? I am curious to know how everyone deals and get over their broken hearts. I am well aware of the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. All of which happens with broken hearts as well. Give or take one or two. I want to share what helped with mine.
Cry. A lot. Then Let it go. photo cred: picsymag
Believe me it helps. Letting it all out and cry out to God. Whine to Him, complain, etc. He will not be shaken, in fact, He’s not surprised at all. At the end, choose to let it go. Let go of the pain and bitterness. Don’t let it soak you up and define you. Don’t let the failure win. Rise above. And it begins with that first decision. Because you do have to decide everyday that you choose to be better.
2. Do things that cheer you up.
For me it’s a lot of things: reading, watching tv series/ youtube videos/ movies, journaling, eating (heck yeah!), and not to sound very spiritual but reading the Bible and spending hours and hours with Jesus. You can do rock climbing, computer games, traveling, singing, take up that dance lessons you’ve always wanted to do!..
3. Socialize
Yep! Don’t lock yourself up and mope around all day. You have friends! Use them! haha. Seriously though, they are there to help you, listen to you, be with you.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Rainbow after the rain. Promise behind the pain. Hold on to HOPE. That it’s gonna be okay. Sure, it is painful now, I will never even begin to understand how much pain you carry in your heart. I have my own, you have yours, everybody carries them differently. But one thing is for sure, it’s not gonna last forever. Trust God that He has a great plan and purpose for you. That it’s gonna be better, and the best is yet to come!
And from the other side of the world, there is a friend who is praying for you.
xoxo,

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