Dating apps has been a subject of talk around my peers in the past months (when you’re in your 20’s/30’s amIright?! Lol), then I realized something…
A friend was sharing of a friend who’s been dating a lot for the past three or so years through dating apps, and she still hasn’t found anyone to get serious with. When I look around me, I hear stories of how people date around, find or maybe not find someone, but in the end, they don’t find that fulfillment in anything they’ve tried when it comes to dating.
When you’re single, it’s so easy to funnel down the “main reason” of feeling alone because you are… well, single. But even when you’re in a relationship, you can still find that same “emptiness” or the same bouts of insecurities you had before you were in a relationship. So, what seems to be the problem?!
That emptiness, that void, that feeling of being unwanted, unloved, not chosen— those are lies but we do legit feel them, don’t we? We go through life searching to solve that problem of deep longing, that deep desire… So, we buy things to fill that void, we go through relationships seeking to be loved.
In Pensées VII, Blaise Pascal wrote “What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.”
CS Lewis referred to it as the “God-shaped hole in our hearts”.
That is true. Until we find that satisfaction and contentment with Jesus, we will always have that Jesus void. We will continue searching for things and relationships to fill it up, but still come up empty. I don’t have to convince you to know it’s true. The truth is, only He can fit the puzzle. It’s always been meant for Him to fill that up.
Going back to the dating convo… but why is it even us single Christians (or even the married ones) go to apps and church parties, frantically and desperately looking for that someone? (Tbh, it annoys me when someone only comes to church to find someone and drops off the face of the earth when they found someone, anyway that’s another topic) Now, I ask this question, why are we so desperate? Did Jesus really fill that void of desire in your heart then? Because I assure you, if you haven’t let Him fill you up, you will still go through life trying to fit everything to fill that desire in your heart. How can I say this? I’ve read and heard countless stories from married people (even Christian ones) who go through the same pattern. Searching and searching and never finding, because the one you’ve been looking for has always been there holding your hand- or He is already in your heart! We only have to look at Jesus and let Him do the work.
How do we exactly do this? Well the answer sadly is not as straightforward. I am still in the journey on this myself, but in recent years, as I matured in my relationship with God, this answer has matured with me too. As you open your heart to Jesus, the prayer of “Jesus you are the only One” or “You are enough”, will become more and more your reality. I have grown in my understanding of God and Who He truly is, and how this applies in my life.
There are so many layers in this, and it is truly my desire to walk with you in this. It is not a “one time” thing bang bang, you get the instant answer. It’s a daily thing. It never finishes. We are constantly growing, in theology terms, “sanctification”. And that in itself is the beauty of this life we get to live with Jesus.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What are your good or bad experiences with dating, dating apps, etc.? Where are you in your “finding contentment in Jesus” walk?
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